The Story of my Life

Felt that it would be best if I didn’t post this to her wall.  A damn shame too, I’d get giggles out of people’s reactions.  Oh well, at least I have my blog ♥

Dear Emotions: Do you know no bounds??  Do I really have to be jealous over this?  Seriously?  I really don’t want to, can’t you just give me a freakin’ break?

The only thing I hate worse than having emotions you don’t think you should be feeling over ridiculous things is having to bottle them up because you don’t want to face any number of possible consequences for having said feelings.

So, she wants to visit us both during the summer.  So, she loves both of us.  So, she’s no longer in love with me which puts us basically at equal footing – so far as I know.  Should I be jealous?  I really don’t think so.  Either way, I am, and I think said jealous needs to stop.

The last time she wanted to visit him the situation was far more dire (by which I mean severely not in my favor).  We were going out though, and I talked to her about it, and she decided not to go.  Which made me both excessively happy, and very sad.  I like getting my way, but I really don’t like taking things away from her that I think she should have.

To me, this is the same situation – except I haven’t bothered bringing it up, and really don’t plan to.  If she wants to go, I think she should go.  At this point, I only hope this also means that yes, she’s still visiting me and that yes, i have nothing to worry about.  If either of these isn’t true, then I’m going to have serious issues with her visiting him alone, not to mention that could possibly make him a love rival?

It shouldn’t.  Primarily because the last time I talked to her she said she and he weren’t really talking, not to mention that he now had a girlfriend.  But, they seem to be talking a lot more recently – and heck, she’s considering/planning to go see him.  The question is: What does this mean for me?

It’s not like we have any official sort of relationship right now.  We’re not going out, although we’re really close – she wants to stay single for now.  You know, one of those ever popular “breaks” girls need to sort through their feelings and figure out what it is that they want.  For most people in this generation its an “eh, whatever” stage where they feel free and they can/will do what (and in many cases whom) ever they want.  I don’t think Kyri like this, and I know I’m definitely not like this.  I remain very loyal to her even through times like this.

Meh, Now I’m just ranting – but I really do hope it all works out somehow.  I’d really like to see her this summer so I could hang out with her, and maybe even take her out on a couple dates, if she’d be okay with that – that is.

I woke up in the middle of the night, tonight (proving Kyri right that it was a bad idea for me to go to sleep in the afternoon, but I was sooo exhausted I just couldn’t stay awake any longer, so my sleep schedule is now fixed a little bit) and one of the places I check for updates (like comments, etc.) is YouTube (since I do have a minor channel, I’m always hoping that someone will comment on one of my videos), and I noticed under “Recommended” was a song called Kyrie.  I decided “eh, what the heck” and clicked it.  It was trance, which, although is great for dancing, is kind of lame if you’re staring at a computer screen in the middle of the night – then its boring and repetitive.

So, I decided “I wonder if there are other songs called Kyri?  You know, other than that catholic one and that old classical one and this trance one.. there’s probably more.  So I run a YouTube search for Kyri and I find this gem from 1985 titled Kyrie by Mr. Mister.

The song can definitely contain separate meanings if you make “Kyrie, eleison” “Kyriaelison.”

If you actually visit my blog (instead of reading it through an RSS Reader, Soup.io, Tumblr, or Facebook) then starting today you may very well notice a URL change.  My personal blog is no longer located at blog.gtaero.net, instead, I’ve moved everything over to blog.navarr.me.  You can now (if you want, for some reason) access the following sites:

navarr.me

A photo of myself until I can figure out what I should do with it.

blog.navarr.me

My personal blog.

soup.navarr.me

My soup.io account (a cumulative lifestream)

tumblr.navarr.me

My tumblr account (another cumulative lifestream)

comic.navarr.me

My webcomics. They’re not INCREDIBLY funny, but you might find some humour in them.

navarr.me/grad/

My High School Graduation page.

The next issue brought up by this change would then be: Am I going to kill GTAero?  The answer is No.

Instead, I’m going to use GTAero.net for the more technical side of me.  It’ll be my coding sandbox, will house my Tech Blog, and most importantly – it’s still my VERY widely used email address.  GTAero is very close to me, I created the idea of Project: Grand Theft Aero in 6th grade, so it won’t be going away anytime soon.  In fact, all of the subdomains in the list above were subdomains of GTAero.net, which now 301 Redirect to their navarr.me equivalents.

Just thought I’d take the time to point out what might not be a very big or obvious change.

So, I bring you her words from December 1, 2008.

Navarr… *giggles* i can’t even explain how girly and in love I feel. Is it possible to feel like you can soar above the stars and moon, but you don’t want to, because to do so would be leaving his arms? I was so foolish the other night, to honestly think I could leave him. And I’m so wonderfully happy that I didn’t. We talked last night. for a long while, and even though it kept me awake, it felt so nice to just be with him again. Sometimes I wish i could just drive down there, or have him come up here, but we can’t have everything we wish for sadly. Hopefully one day in the near future…

You know… of course you know, everybody knows: I Love Her.  I can’t go a day, or even an hour without thinking about her, without thinking about holding her, or running my fingers through her hair, cuddling her, sleeping with her in my arms, etc, etc.  It’s amazing – It’s love, and the wheels are slowly turning and bringing us back together again.

These last three weeks have been very busy, full of pain, love, surprises, just full of everything – and I can’t be happier that things are finally calming down.

I love her so much – I hope no shit like this happens again, because it’s really rough on both of us.

And with that, Cheers to the new year.

There is nothing more special than when the spark you thought you’d lost returns to your relationship, and your love again flourishes as it only could when experiencing passionate love.

There is also nothing scarier than worrying about whether or not it’ll return for her, worrying about loosing the love of your life because that feeling of mutual love and trust and passionate, the very essence of romance vanishes.

But thankfully, it doesn’t look like I’ll have to worry about that anymore.  Not for a while, at least.

I don’t know how or if this affects her wanting to be single for this semester or not (probably not, she still needs to figure things out, I believe) but it does mean that things are slowly returning to normal.  Something that is definitely much needed between us, after this whole mess.

As Yuki said, if we could get through this, we can get through everything.

Maybe I can still make her my bride, one day? :p

Sometimes, I’d quite think she hasn’t managed to realize how much a man dislikes loosing his relationship with his beloved as something similar to a New Years Resolution.

Either that, or she simply doesn’t care that I dislike the fact, either way – its going to be quite a tough year for a boy in love.