The Story of my Life

You are the source of my disdain. Just the other day she was so madly in love with me; and you walk out of the shadows and steal her away only to leave her again! To have your brief moment out of the sun and do whatever it is you’ll do and steal her away from me, only for a moment and leave with me only scraps of whatever you take from her!

Why does she have to pick you over me when I’ve been committed for so long to make her happy? When you know about us? Why did Chris have to do the same? Why does it always have to be the same?

Two hours ago she told me she loved me, now she’ll say it no longer because for only a few days you’re going to step back into the picture, just to steal her away from me and make me start all over again to show her that she can trust me and that she doesn’t have to be afraid to let me back into her heart!

Months ago I knew that you two were going to prom together, and I knew that it would be okay because she was madly in love with me and she swore that nothing would happen; that it was only because of an old promise and within a few weeks from spring break until now she goes from complete and utter ecstatic excitement to see me to "no longer trying" and pushing me out of her heart to make way for someone who won’t even stay!

WHY?!

I want her to remember all that we’ve been through.

I want her to remember all of the good.

I want her to remember how much she loves me.

And I want her to remember that fateful day when she said:

“I love you more when I hate you than I could ever love him.”

What is it you’re waiting for?

Yes, I’m Venting.

(9:36:43 PM) Navarr: *looks up at you* will you text later, at least?
(9:37:14 PM) Kyri: mmhm
(9:37:27 PM) Navarr *kisses your cheek gently, laying down to nap*

Its 3:40… I just woke up from a weird dream, no text message… She forgot me.

I don’t know why, but I really hate this – well, to be honest, I guess I know entirely why…

This always makes me feel like I’m not her boyfriend – Of course, I’m not, technically – That was her decision.

But the fact of the matter is, we never talk over the phone because she never has the time, I text her often, but she rarely if ever seems to text me if I don’t send her a text (even if I did hours ago, she’ll just never reply)

I hate this, so much – It makes me jealous of Greg.  That’s right, Greg, the asshole, one of the few people I could kill with my own two hands.

Why?  Because I (at least used to) hear from her that she’s texting him, that she texts him, that she talks to him on the phone – I always feel like maybe she does have time, but she doesn’t want to spend it on me – Maybe I’m not real enough to her yet, I’m that “guy from the internet” and nothing makes me feel more like shit than being described as that, but – I’m just not part of her life yet.

I daydreamed today about visiting her, of touching my hand to her cheek and saying “I’m real, remember that – This isn’t a dream, this is my hand you feel against your cheek.” and hope that she remembers I’m real when I leave.

I don’t know how else to feel about this… how am I supposed to feel about this?

It’s really annoying me, so I’m going to type it out.

Rachel is being a stupidhead. I wanted to talk to her since she had gotten to school, and she wouldn’t let me, and when I tried to, she moved away from me after I had gotten up from my seat, and she said to get away because I had been sitting next to a kid that had Pink-eye. I didn’t know he had Pink-eye until way after he had sat down next to me..

I don’t want to admit it, but I hit her and quickly got up, grabbing my backpack and quickly strolling off to my first period class.

Later on, we just talked normally (lunch-time) so everything is fine now.. I don’t know why I got so upset.. I haven’t hit anybody in like.. five years or so? Not in any way that wasn’t playful.

I just don’t like friends who are insensitive to their other friend’s feelings.. I guess..

I had always hoped that it would never have to come to this.. but, He’s back.  For all intents and purposes, we can call him カレ (him).

He hurt her; and he’s come back to confuse things up again, but I can see right past him.  He’s like the Christian of CAD.  He wants nothing more than his own selfish pleasure and gain, and he’ll do whatever he possibly can to try to get it.

I’ve been talking with Kyri, and I know she’s smart enough to stay away from him, but I can only hope that he’ll be wise enough to stay away from her.  I may not look it, probably because I’m such a polite, gentle person to everyone I interact with.  But when you hurt the person I Love, I can be quite the vicious little smurfer.

I have faith that my karma has corrected itself as much as it needs to for bad things not to come of this; but Goddess so help me if they even TRY to.

I love her, and I won’t ever let him ruin it.